Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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