Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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