Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
