just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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