well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
