and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
