Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
