Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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