Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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