I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
