my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
As shirtless as possible
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
