Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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