he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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