Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
