remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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