Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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