my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
