i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
