I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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