I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
