Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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