dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
