I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
