just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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