When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
