Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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