So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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