Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
