Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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