ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I won the penis lottery.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
