Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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