You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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