It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
