just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
worst night to have a conscience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i drank out of a bidet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize