Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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