Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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