If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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