yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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