Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
