So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We left the knife in your bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
