I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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