When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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