im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize