Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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