ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
