i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
