I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
