I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
