don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
