I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
