I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
