some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize