The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize