he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
