I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
