Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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