her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
