then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
