I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
