This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
