I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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