My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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