he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize