Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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