It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize