Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
