oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
