We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
