If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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