dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
