I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
