Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
