She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize