I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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